'Travel Through Time'

Year 6 English.
For once, I decided to write within English without using a Doctor Who theme, despite the fact this piece of work is all about time travel. And is one of the worst pieces I've ever written. Despite being set in the Victorian era, some unintentional anachronisms play surprisingly well with the Bloody Code. In a time where the penny farthing is present and heads are placed on poles as a deterrent, the comedic activity of accidentaly pushing someone of a bike earns a death sentence from a policeman. The Tudor execution process is used, too. So, it's after 1829 and before the Bloody Code evolved into transportation... woops, Robert Peel would be mad. It must have been a very unfair trial. Inspiration comes from Horrible Histories, I expect. The teacher commented that this was "a bit brutal." I'm hating the perspective of this, using the pronoun of 'you'. I think Mr. Peabody had more fun.

Travel through Time

When you arrive, you see an amazing sight. There are no cars, no motorbikes and no bikes. Well, except for that giant one which looks like it came out of somewone's purse. You look at the other side of the bridge. There are no less than 20 heads stuck on poles. "Uggh..." you said say, disgusted. You lean back and accidently make the person on the bike fall into the water.

A policeman viewed views this and arrests you. "Your head's going to be on that bridge," the policeman says. You don't I didn't understand what he means, but I knew you know it he means something bad. You get taken to your cell, and your head gets chopped off by a man in black clothes. He puts it on the bridge for everyone to see.

The end.

© 2008 Peter Webb

The Mystery of Class 6T

Inspired by real life events, though it doesn't go over the condoms and the racist vandalism, as I didn't quite understand that at the time. I've no idea if Mr. Collins is real or not. Bill and Ted comes from an advertisement for the NES game of the film inside the only Spider-Man issue I'd read at the time - an issue of Web of Spider-Man I'd got from Oxfam in 2007/2008 for a pound, featuring this villain the Slasher.

Ian and Babara (sic, "Barbara") are lifted straight from An Unearthly Child, though this time as 2008 policemen (sic, "Police Officers" for political correctness) and not 1963 teachers at Coal Hill. Chief Baker's name derives from Tom Baker.

12/25-ish watching the news is an oddly specific, and most likely untrue, figure. Charlote (sic, Charlotte) and her mother must be mentally ill, screaming over a non-major event like that.

I'm glad I didn't go with the crazy initial plot.

The Mystery of Class 6T

Tuesday 19th February 2008

L.O: Use openers and connectives in my story.

It was a dark winter's night and two young men, Bill and Ted were driving in a black van, wearing black clothes to Taverham Junior School. and They were trying to break into class 6T and put swearwords on the whiteboards and tables, steal all the children's work and books onto a fire and burn them, cut all the wires of electrical equitment so they can't be used any more, and much more havoc. However, they were stopped by the caretaker, Mr. Collins.

"Hey, you two, get out of here or i'll call th 999!" said Mr. Collins. The two men got out a shotgun from their pockets. "What? An ambulance for you?!" They pulled the trigger. Mr. Collins fell to the ground, with a heartbeat of 0. His blood spread down the car park, and a police car stopped to investigate.

"Hmm, Babra, it looks like we've got a mystery on her hand," said one of two Policemen: Ian. He sniffed the blood. "Hasen't been here long. They must not be far away. C'mon!" "Y'know, i've only just got this job! I haven't done this for ten years or so!" said Babara. "Stop being rude or you'll get fired by Cheif Baker!" shouted Ian.

The next evening, 12 of the children from 6T were watching the news. "Mum, when's dinner ready?" shouted a girl from 6T called Charlote to her mum. "6.20!" s Her mum shouted back. Charlote turned on the T.V. "Our top story tonight: Their has been a murder at TJS! Also, all the student's work has been burnt! "We are thery very sad this has happend," said headteacher Mr. Picke..." Charolate turned of the TV and screamed. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Her mother ran into the living room. "What's all the noise about sweetheart?" she asked. "Mmmy scchoool haaas been bbbrooken inntoo!" Charlote awnswered, being very afraid. Her mother screamed too. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" They turned the T.V back. on. "...onds. "We are very sad also that our students can't come back for at LEAST a week."

One week later, the young men, Bill and Ted were in prison: For LIFE. "I hate you, you ********!" shouted Bill. "You're the one who got the idea, *****!"

Plot

Two young men - try to break into class 6T. Get stopped by security cameras. 6T very sad. Police arrest the men but they fail out. Break into 6T again. Get life sentence in prision. Get abducted by aliens. Gets shot by a ray-gun. His family is very sad. They start mudering the people who work at the school and the prision.

© 2008 Peter Webb

"Yesterday was the worst day of my life"

Year Seven Geography, computer written, however the original digital document is no longer in existence and has had to be transcribed.

Written between Tuesday 18th November and Monday 24th November 2008. Probably 18th.

The fact this fictional character does not describe the news presenter or provide a name shows us that they did not actually watch Fox News (why Fox News, why?) but rather pretend to inside this fictional account which is fictional to the fictional author as well.

The absence of a wi-fi enabled iPod Touch, iPhone, iPad or Android device appears to place this in the past. Presumably 2008.

I would guess at the fictional author actually being American, as he uses the Americanism of 'neighbours', and he seems to firmly be a Florida resident. My modern brain likes to think of this being the character of Phil Lester now, however that was definitely not the case back in 2008.

The idea of the fourth generation family quilt either comes from My Parents Are Aliens or The Simpsons.

The simile of the dog at the race track most likely originates from 'Simpsons Roasting On and Open Fire', where we see the Springfield Downs and Santa's Little Helper introduced.

The reference to the Presidents in heaven is almost certainly a reference to The Simpsons. If written now, persons such as Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford would be substitutes, as they are the Seventies of U.S. Presidents (discounting Jimmy Carter, who is still a cool guy).

23rd July 2008

Yesterday was the worst day of my life. As soon as the weatherman said there was a hurricane coming, I knew we were in trouble. The good news was that it would take six hours to reach Florida, so we had time to prepare. My dad drove very fast the D.I.Y shop, so he could buy wood before they ran out. We kept the TV tuned onto Fox news, so we could hear the latest updates. We saw footage of Disneyworld, with the hurricane soaring through and visitors looking petrified. I couldn't believe this was going to happen to us and our neighbors.

A few hours later, I got a headache, and my head felt like it was about to explode. I needed to go to my room, so I couldn't hear the TV. But that would be crazy, because I wouldn't get the updates and then the hurricane would hit the house without me knowing. Soon, the weatherman said that it was going to hit my street within an hour. I was terrified. I was even more terrified when the wood dad put onto the windows fell off. I followed the TV presenter's advice of staying in a small space, such as a closet. The walls of our house soon started to collapse. It even ruined our family quilt, which had gone on for four generations.

We were really, really scared, and I knew I might not survive this. My heart was racing, at the top speed of a dog at the race track. After hours of being cramped together in the clothes closet, it stopped. I couldn't believe I survived the hurricane. I couldn't believe I didn't die and be chatting to Abraham Lincoln or George Washington in heaven. After surviving a hurricane, I knew that this was the best day of my life.

© 2008 Peter Webb

Hurricane Assessment - Second Draft

Tuesday 2nd December 2008

Hurricane Assessment

It was the year 2014 and I was going on holiday with my family to Florida. I couldn't play on my PSP 8000 so I was really bored during the flight. When the plane landed we collected our luggage and took a taxi to the hotel. We checked in and turned the HD TV on, as I couldn't play any of my Blu Ray disks on the Blu Ray player. It was coming up to the end of ABC news HD when th after an interview with Barack OBama President Barack Obama about electric cars and his plan for the U.S.A to have free medical operations, like the U.K used to have when I was younger, the weatherman said that there was a hurricane heading for Florida and we were gobsmacked.

We took a taxi, wasting $20, back to the airport to see if we could get a refund and a flight back to the U.K, but all flights were canceled due to "inconvenient weather", according to the people working at the airport. It was really annoying, because it was more than "inconvenient". We saw the news on a gigantic HDTV with a newsman saying to stay in a small space such as a closet, which I already knew, thanks to my Year 7 topi Geography topic about hurricanes, and when I wrote a story about hurricanes set 6 years in the future. We spent another $20 on a taxi, got to our hotel room, and crawled into the cupboard, missing out on the broadcast of Star Wars Episode 7: A New Love. A few hours

A few hours later, the hurricane hit the hotel. We were terrified, thinking we were going to die. The wind was so strong it even blew the hotel roof off. We were scared, crying, and then it stopped. I couldn't believe we survived a hurricane, and I couldn't believe my dad wasted $40.

© 2008 Peter Webb

Hurricane Assessment - First Draft

Year Seven Geography.

An outdated, contemporary tale, which will not occur as my parents would not be able to afford the flight, and would be logistically impossible to arrange given a crowded Summer.

It's always interesting to see the reality of future prediction tales, like with 'Lisa's Wedding' and the actual absence of robots in 2012, and 'Back to the Future Part II', yet with that the 2015 vision is slowly becoming a reality with the availability of merchandise replicas from the movie, such as the Nike MAG and the Mattel hoverboard.

Another aspect of the present left out of the story due to my age at the time is the fact I'd be thinking of cute boys throughout the hurricane, and wanting desperately to go on Tumblr. And watch AmazingPhil. I wouldn't be making the similie to the alien invasion of Earth, and neither would I be screaming "Goddammit!", though the repitition is nice. I'd be swearing at a quieter tone. Or listening instead to Vaguely Live Radio or a Vengenza Media podcast to keep me calm. The likelihood of me watching ABC News rather than watching something far more interesting (biased Fox News, Cartoon Network, Comedy Central, etc.) is slim.

The entirety of this tale was crossed out with a A4 'x', to be replaced with the second draft, set two years afterwards, which I will post tomorrow.

Tuesday 2nd December 2008

Hurricane Assessment
Year 2012 - The plane landed in Florida, and I exited the plane. We drove of to the hotel, checked in, and watched ABC news. The weather man said "...and there's a hurricane heading to Florida, and will destroy the hotels within two hours!", and I screamed "Goddammit!".

We went back to the airport to catch a flight out of here, but all flights were canceled because of the hurricane. We stayed at the airport* because it's a safe place, because it's a small space. We're really, really scared in this small place, thinking we're going to die, and then the hurricane shattered the glass, and we were sure we were going to die! Tears went down our cheeks, but then it stopped, and we were relieved we survived the hurricane.

We go went outside and see the damage and it's like aliens destroyed Earth - 5 times! And I screamed "Goddammit!"

*toilets
© 2008 Peter Webb.

Timmy Wonders... Where Does the Rain Come From? (illustrated)

Year Seven Geography.

Mock Usbourne Publishing children's book explaining the water cycle, introducing the character of Timmy (who is not from South Park) and his mother. The child's beliefs of the rain being God's urine or wine comes from my own spoken pondering of personal philosophy in Year Three, whilst on the bus to (or from) school (it may have been in the car with my parents, come to think of it) during rainfall. I love this story, by the way, even though a certian logic barrier will come down where you wonder why a mother his teaching her young child 'advanced' Geography intended to be taught to Year Sevens.

Tuesday 7th October 2008
Describe the journey that takes place during the water cycle.

Pitter patter. Pitter patter. The rain fell down from the skies. "Mummy, where dos rain come from? Is it god peeing?" Timmy asked, fortunate to be inside, sheltered from the rain. "No, it is not god peeing!" his mummy said. "Is it god spilling his wine?" Timmy asked. "No!" his mummy shouted. "Well, where does it come from then?" Timmy asked. "Far away from the sea, the water evaporates and..." "Mummy, what is evaporates mean?" "It means when a liquid becomes a gas." "Water can be a gas?!" Timmy asked, confused.

"Yes," his mummy answered. "If a liquid becomes cold it warm it changes into a gas. If it becomes cold it turns into ice." "You sure a wizard didn't do it?" Timmy asked. "Correct. It's just what nature does. As a gas, it flies up into the air and turns back to water, which forms clouds. It doesn't have to be water, it could be snow, sleet or hail. This is called condensation. It moves and falls from the skies, which is called precipitation". It eventually falls back into the sea. This is called Subsurface Runoff and then it goes down into underground streams, drains or sewers "Why are the words so big and are hard to pronounce?" Timmy asked. "With so many words in the world, the only words scientists can use are really, really big words!" his mummy answered. "The water goes into a drain or mountain, and flows through an underground stream, drain or a sewer. This is called Subsurface Runoff. "Don't you mean Submarine Runoff?" Timmy asked. "No, Timmy. Submarines don't have don't drains.

© 2008 Peter Webb.

Santa Gets Copped

Another poem, though if features a fair amount of speech. A seasonal novelty, Year Seven English. Typos remain. It's pretty hilarious, actually. And no, at this timepoint, I hadn't seen 'Miracle on 34th Street', therefore I was not inspired by it, and therefore, ultimately, any similarities are all entirely coincidental. Guess it's a popular idea for a tale to tell.

Monday 8th December 2008

Christmas Santa gets Copped.

The clock strikes twelve,
The chimney gets blocked,
A man as fat as a truck squeezes down.

As the fat man is straining,
The lights turn on,
Mum and Dad, who are snacking on pies,
Hear a plop and a bang, and the fat man says,
"Are  those for me?"

There is a burgular in the house,
Hi 999, He's carrying a bag of toys,
Those are robbed from another house,
He says he's a saint, and is a hundred years old,
With a name of Santa Nicholas Claus.
 
The men in Jim Jams get in the car,
It rushes down to the house,
And a Saint called Santa
Gets copped.
 
"Put your hands on your head," said the cop,
"But don't this family want any toys?" questioned the fat man,
"A DS Lite for little Jim,
A pack of perfume for mama,
and razor blades for Papa
all made in the arctic snow?"
 
"You're under arrest for making toys illegially,"
"But every person on the planet gets a present from me,
Except for those little rascals".
The cops still aren't satisfied,
And starts a court case the very next day.
 
It was Christmas morning,
And little Jim woke up,
He looked in his stocking,
Nothing there,
He ran down stairs to under the tree,
Nothing there.
 
He ran to his parents screaming,
"Santa hasen't given us any presents,
We got no presents, Santa's been robbed!",
"It's alright deary, he's in court,
He I bet he was stealing our toys!"
"No, no, no! You've got it all wrong!
He was trying to give us gifts!"
 
His pa Mum and Dad believe this child,
They tell the jury he was trying to give them gifts,
And get all those fantastic gifts on boxing day.

© 2008 Peter Webb