Santa Gets Copped

Another poem, though if features a fair amount of speech. A seasonal novelty, Year Seven English. Typos remain. It's pretty hilarious, actually. And no, at this timepoint, I hadn't seen 'Miracle on 34th Street', therefore I was not inspired by it, and therefore, ultimately, any similarities are all entirely coincidental. Guess it's a popular idea for a tale to tell.

Monday 8th December 2008

Christmas Santa gets Copped.

The clock strikes twelve,
The chimney gets blocked,
A man as fat as a truck squeezes down.

As the fat man is straining,
The lights turn on,
Mum and Dad, who are snacking on pies,
Hear a plop and a bang, and the fat man says,
"Are  those for me?"

There is a burgular in the house,
Hi 999, He's carrying a bag of toys,
Those are robbed from another house,
He says he's a saint, and is a hundred years old,
With a name of Santa Nicholas Claus.
 
The men in Jim Jams get in the car,
It rushes down to the house,
And a Saint called Santa
Gets copped.
 
"Put your hands on your head," said the cop,
"But don't this family want any toys?" questioned the fat man,
"A DS Lite for little Jim,
A pack of perfume for mama,
and razor blades for Papa
all made in the arctic snow?"
 
"You're under arrest for making toys illegially,"
"But every person on the planet gets a present from me,
Except for those little rascals".
The cops still aren't satisfied,
And starts a court case the very next day.
 
It was Christmas morning,
And little Jim woke up,
He looked in his stocking,
Nothing there,
He ran down stairs to under the tree,
Nothing there.
 
He ran to his parents screaming,
"Santa hasen't given us any presents,
We got no presents, Santa's been robbed!",
"It's alright deary, he's in court,
He I bet he was stealing our toys!"
"No, no, no! You've got it all wrong!
He was trying to give us gifts!"
 
His pa Mum and Dad believe this child,
They tell the jury he was trying to give them gifts,
And get all those fantastic gifts on boxing day.

© 2008 Peter Webb